I have made a number of attempts at writing a book that describes the way my life seems to follow a prescribed path no matter how stupidly I behave. I have become convinced that fate drags me back on track and to a conclusion that has been predetermined. I am not suggesting a Matrix scenario, I believe life is real, but I also believe that we are intended to gain knowledge and reach certain milestones as we traverse our brief lives on planet earth. I don’t mean that every minute of every day is controlled, but I do consider that we have to achieve goals, complete tests along life’s journey and that the conclusion of our lives is already decided. When we divert from the plan too far, and risk missing a milestone, fate steps in and carries out a readjustment. I think that my unusual life with many opportunities to stray has highlighted this far more than if I had enjoyed a more normal existence. This book is the story of my life in considerable detail, and I hope that it will demonstrate the robustness of the system that protects and returns me to the chosen path each time I deviate. I hope that as well as being food for thought you will enjoy reading my story, laugh at some experiences, and not be too disgusted and disappointed by others. I believe that the end has already been decided elsewhere and there is nothing that I can do to change it. So, what are these life changing events that have kept me on track?  Well, my last attempt at writing started with a seriously troubled 20-year-old sitting next to a young Portuguese prostitute on the steps leading down to the river Tagus in Lisbon in 1978. It involved missing a ship and being stranded without money or passport. That was a very important moment but I started wondering if it really was the first time that fate had really stepped in to keep my life on what I believe to be its predetermined track? On reflection, I think far more innocent events that occurred considerably earlier were the moments that whatever controls our lives commenced intervention and ensured that I achieve my path and destiny. It could be compared to a sat nav in a car. If you take a wrong turn at a junction, it will simply inform you that it is recalculating and recommence guidance. Sometimes it requires a U turn, but during my life, I have more often than not, taken new and sometimes tortuous routes to return to the pre-planned path. I promise I will get back to the prostitute in Lisbon later in the book because she was an important part of fates intervention in correcting one of my more significant acts of folly. I had taken a major wrong turn and she was a crucial part of the recalculation. 
 
Unfortunately, I do not know the meaning of life but I really do struggle with the concept of an all loving God looking down on their subjects, that worship them through a plethora of different religions whilst killing each other in the name of those religions. Throughout history, people have indoctrinated, persecuted and killed in the name of their religion, and it continues unabated today. The hatred and bloodshed we witness on a daily basis, and are even becoming immune to, has left me almost hoping that human life is some freak occurrence in a Universe that even the most intelligent scientists cannot fully comprehend. It is therefore a shame that looking back on my life and experiences, I have the distinct feeling that we are not totally alone and for whatever reason, our lives are manipulated to achieve a required result, to learn on our journey through to our final destiny. What happens after that? Well, let's be honest, nobody knows.

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There are countless books on the subject of 'the meaning of life' and the Internet is full of learned articles, but of course they just expound theories without any proof. I do therefore love the humorous answer in Douglas Adams book ‘The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”. He refers to a fictional supercomputer built to answer the ultimate question, what is the meaning of life. After seven and a half million years continuous computing the somewhat disappointing conclusion was the number forty-two.

 

I am obviously not a religious person, but I believe that each of our lives and our interactions are taking place for a reason, to satisfy some plan. Does reincarnation exist and are we being guided through a series of lives and lessons in order to reach some higher state? It is a neat logical idea and provides reasonable explanations for horrendous world events that no loving God could countenance, but where is the proof?  I remain convinced that my life has been mapped out, but serious flaws in my character have led to numerous failings that repeatedly diverted me from the correct path, only to be dragged back by unexplainable events. I have not been a good person and it is difficult to put on paper some of the things that I have done, the way I have treated people and how I have impacted others lives. I have to hope that the people I hurt were similarly following their fate and I was part of a tangled web leading to their own personal destiny.

As for the meaning of life, I think forty-two is about as accurate as anything I could possibly suggest.

 

Bob Dylan said that during the writing of his autobiography, he had forgotten significant parts of his past and even the lyrics of some of his songs due to his drug and alcohol abuse. He therefore filled in the gaps with anecdotes, whether true, false or exaggerated by others that knew him at the time. I refrained from drugs but relished excessive alcohol for at least 35 years of my life and at night existed in an alcohol induced blur, so I apologise for any gaps or inconsistencies in my stories. Was Bob referring to 'the meaning of life' when he wrote the lyrics 'the answer my friend is blowin in the wind'?

 

I mentioned a Portuguese Lady of the Night and that is where I intended my story to begin, but I lose track reading books that jump back and forth in time so please bear with me if I start at the very beginning.